Life Question

The last couple of days have been a bit trying for me as I've had a question on my mind. I know that I don't need a human answer but I need a God answer in my heart. However, I feel like I'm probably not the only one who asks. So, the question is why when I want to be the most encouraging/ the best friend/ the best sister or daughter do I seem to fail the most???? I know that my identity is in Jesus as a child of the King of Kings, a princess, not that of dental hygienist, friend, daughter, sister, hopefully someday wife and mother...I like those names but they aren't who I really am. I want to be a reflection of God in all ways. It seems when I want the right words/ kind deeds/ expression of love---I just don't have it.... Today I just don't understand why I don't have it....My feelings aren't always in line with God's truth. I know He's not left me or forgot me but I just don't feel like a very bright light. So, as much as I pray for you to be closer to God, today I'm asking for God to draw near to me; to help me feel effective, to be a good ______(fill in the title); mostly to fill my heart with His love...